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Singapore Ranked Top On Oxy-Moron Politicians In Asia

Singapore, Hong Kong and Japan are the least corrupt economies in Asia, according to the Political and Economic Shitting Consultancy (PESC). At the same time, it also ranked Singapore politicians being the most oxy-moron in Asia.

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News In Brief

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Who Want To Be A Billionaire Hotline Heats Up

ORCHARD ROAD, SINGAPORE -- The billion-dollar fever is heating up in Singapore. Fans of the hit American TV show "Who Wants To Be A Billionaire" have been busy calling MediaCock's hotline even before it began operating - all wanting a chance to take part in the upcoming Singapore version of the show. Almost 5,000 calls have been received so far. In a follow up call by CNC, Mr. Alex S. Mah said, "I must take part in this. Besides Toto, we now have a new avenue to be multi-millionaires overnight!". Although he acknowledged that this game is not based on luck, he is not deterred. "Think about it, who will be participating in this game?", queered Mr. Mah, "Singaporeans who are desperate to win millionaires of dollars. And who are these people? These are the ones that queue up in the Toto and 4D betting booth every other days. And how smart these people can be? With my university degree from Alec University of Timbuktu, I think I would stand a higher chance than winning the Toto.".

Moscow Circus Coming To Town, But So What?

YISHUN TOWN, SINGAPORE -- From May 17, five neighborhoods around Singapore will play host to the Great Moscow Circus. Singaporeans will have a great treat to performing animals and clowns then. However, responses from Singaporeans are lukewarm. "What so special about a circus?", retorted Mr. Edwin Tang, a businessman. "There are so many clowns and predators around us in our daily life, we don't need to see them in a circus.". This sentiment is echoed by Miss Stella Chan, an office worker in Shenton Way. "Everyday there are lions and tigers in the office performing their acts. And after work, there are many clowns trying to take advantage of juniors workers in office pantries and pubs. I really do not see the need to pay some $50 to go to the circus for the same acts that is being performed by everyone around us daily.". Look like Moscow Circus really has to put up a superb performance to draw the crowd.

Reducing Students' Workload Is Not The Way To Go: Panel

BUENA VISTA, SINGAPORE -- Stress is not unique to Singapore students and reducing the workload may not be the best way to go. These are the views of a panel of experts to map the future of Singapore youth. They added that young people need to get fun and work experience out of school too. As a result, the panel proposed to increase the school fee every year as it is a good way to encourage students and parents to work harder to pay for something that is supposed to be the basic need of human being. "The objective of the panel is to weed out the potential laggards of our society." said Mr. Sad Dis Tic, the chairman of the panel, at the launch of the panel discussion. "Students not only need to get straight As for all their activities, they also have to be able to pay for the higher fees at the same time. This will prepare them to face the society better. The laggards can thus be filtered out early, they can choose either to register for a lifetime place in Changi Prison or they can give up their citizenship. It is very important to stress that there will be no loser in our society, hence it is important not to reduce the workload of our students today.".

NAA Introduces New Components In Piano-Violin Competition

EMPRESS PLACE, SINGAPORE -- The National Arts Association has introduced a new component in this year's National Piano and Violin Competition to be held from December 6 to 12. NAA said finalists in the Open Category this year will have to perform a full-length concerto with the Philharmonic Orchestra under the baton of its music director. The competitor would have to play the violin, piano, guitar and Laura Croft at the same time. Cash prizes in the Open Category will also be raised $1 for each prize to encourage participation. "For the betterment of Singapore as a Art society, we have to raise the stake of the competition. With this new technological measure, we hope to weed out the musicians who are laggard with IT. Only the best should survive, while the rest should migrant or check-in to Changi Prison.", commented the Association director, Mr. Sad.